twister

For a seed to achieve it's greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, it's insides come out, and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction. ~ Cynthia Occelli

Our stuff was finally all packed up and loaded - destination east. It was pure chaos and it looked like a tornado hit our yard with our rental home in the middle of renovations - siding and windows and nails and shingles scattered all over - with the movers haphazardly loading our most prized possessions on the truck parked crooked in the middle of the street. In true typical Manitoba fashion, it was super cold, and super windy, and in a strange way I think it was Manitoba's way of blowing us a kiss goodbye, a little bone chilling moment to remember her. I was exhausted. I knew this could very likely be the last time I ever stepped foot in this small village sandwiched between southern and northern Manitoba. My husband and I stood in the middle of our empty garage, just trying to catch our breath and to steal a moment of peace. I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. I had come undone. It was such a messed up moment emotionally speaking. I was happy to leave, I was ready to go. I wanted to move to New Brunswick. But at the same time everything was changing and it all happened so fast, and for a planner like myself it was truly overwhelming. New province, new car, new home, new jobs, new friends, new routines, a new reality. 

Many of my various acquaintances over the last few years have remarked how "put together" I am with change, how I handle things so positively and upbeat. They couldn't be farther from the truth. Maybe I'm too good at hiding it, perhaps a way to try and convince myself that I have my sh*t together. The reality is even though I'm a person who craves change and excitement, I'm not the best with dealing with the outcome and it takes me a while to settle. Acquaintances may see a pretty duck gracefully resting upon the lake, but my close friends and family know I'm paddling like hell to stay afloat, constantly working.

This past year has been one of my most challenging. I've often felt like I'm playing a sick game of Twister - with my left foot still stuck in Manitoba, my left hand in New Brunswick, my right hand in Nova Scotia, and my right foot in la la land with my head in the clouds, so to speak. I've been trying desperately to stay in the game juggling my feelings for all these places while I figure out my new normal. The good news is I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I found a quote on Pinterest by Christopher Poindexter that says "The thing about chaos, is that while it disturbs us, it too, forces our hearts to roar in a way we secretly find magnificent". It rings true to my heart. There is nothing like a bunch of chaos to conjure up some great writing and experiences, and my brain is now overflowing with so many wonderful New Brunswick adventures soon to be on the horizon. I can't wait to share them with you here on my blog as I transition from my old Manitoba life to my new New Brunswick life. So buckle up and join me as I begin my love affair with New Brunswick. It's gonna be a great ride!